What you could have been
by Mayhap hem
Summary: A what would happen if story. What would happen if Will didn't do something that we all remember him doing? How would the first book end then? I can not tell you or give away the surprise in chapter two...May have mistakes; my English isn't the best...


A/N hello others reads, this is a before the story chapter so you will know what this is written about, that way won't be confused when sees the next chapter is before this one and really not the same, hope you likes anyway and don't get too mad for what this idea is, I don't mind like I say but am not happy to flames either. Hee hee, the next update chapter will be happier for you and not so blah I hope maybe it is...anyway I am excited now I wrote a story and posted it in the fiction from fans site! Yay, correct? As other authors do now so will I does! *Bows to you and gives you a cookie* I did it! I now will do a face of icons like others do! :) this is authors note like I was supposed to, isn't it?

I makes mistake first time, fixed now so better for. Thanks you linguistic for making tell of problem, I see I forgot to say in the end something why so now I added and is grateful for pointed out error! Yay!

What you could have been

What you could have been

Prologue: What you are now

Rain poured down in droves, the cold water splashing upon the ground and striking like needles from above. The clouds made it darker than it should have been outside of the red castle, so dark that a person could hardly see their own hand in front of their face. The wind howled, biting with cold fangs into anyone foolish enough to be out in such a storm, drowning the voices of any and everything that had one to use. Hail the size of eggs rained down, shattering on impact with the soaked Earth and scattering like snow all over. Yes, this was a dark night indeed.

Halt stared in horror at the small figure in front of him, kneeling with him on the cold, hard ground. He couldn't believe what he'd just done, what he was going to do, what this boy had done. It wasn't like either of them had intended for this to happen, but it had and that meant that they were both about to pay dearly for it. The lad was trembling, his teeth chattering as he crouched there. Slowly, very slowly, the boy raised his head to make eye contact with the ranger.

His face was deathly pale, his eyes glazed and unfocused, his hair matted with blood that still flowed freely from the several gashes and other wounds he'd acquired; Halt wondered if he'd have recognized the boy, had he not already known who he was. The lad drew a deep, shuddering breath before speaking, his voice so faint that Halt could barely hear him.

"W-why?"

Now that was truly a question, wasn't it? Why indeed. Halt wished that he knew, that way he'd at least be able to give the boy a small sense of reassurance. But alas, that wasn't to be the case. Instead all the ranger could do was shake his head sadly and wish that things could have ended differently. He knew, of course, that it wasn't really his fault that this had happened, but rather a fate that the boy had chosen himself. But then, the lad had been forced along in this direction, hadn't he? Swept along as if by a river current to his own destruction.

The boy gasped in pain and curled in on himself, moaning in agony as he did so. Halt would have comforted him, tried to soothe the pain he knew the boy was feeling, but he himself was paralyzed then by another sort of pain, the kind that came from knowing he'd failed. And oh, what a failure it was. This wasn't something he could fix with words, or with any action on his part. This was something that simply had no hope for being reversed; this was a failure that was permanent.

He felt something stir nearby and looked up to see his former apprentice, Gilan, standing beside him with a worried look on his face. The man spoke softly, as if he were in the infirmary or the bedside of one who wouldn't be alive much longer. Then again, there wasn't much to say that he wasn't.

"How...how bad is it?" Gilan questioned.

Halt heaved a sigh as he beheld the whimpering boy before him. "It's not good; his left side has been torn open and I'm pretty sure that there's some damage that can't be seen."

Gilan winced visibly and knelt beside Halt, reaching forward and gently pulling the cowering boy into his arms, careful to avoid touching the lads' left side, which was already sticky with blood. He cooed softly to the lad, trying to do what Halt hadn't been able to in the way of comfort, and brushed a few strands of hair away from the lads' face. "You don't think he's got a punctured lung, do you?" he asked quietly.

Halt shook his head, not knowing for certain either way. "It doesn't look like he does..."

Gilan perked up instantly. "Then stop being so grim, Halt, honestly. He might just have a chance after all, right?"

Halt shook his head cynically. "Actually you're wrong there, Gilan. He never had a chance and he's never going to have a chance. He gave up on that almost a year ago..."

Gilan frowned, standing up slowly to make sure he didn't jar the lad unnecessarily. "Why not? What's wrong?"

Halt sighed again, casting him an almost loathing sort of look. "What's wrong is that even if we do get him to a healer and he does survive, that won't help him in the long run. He'll be crippled for life, Gilan."

Gil's scowl deepened. "I don't understand..."

Halt nodded slowly. "He was already condemned to a life working in the fields, which is why he was here in the first place. Now he won't even be able to do that; if anything he'll be better off if-"

He was interrupted, however, by the approach of the baron and Sir Rodney, both of whom looked shaken and concerned. It was the baron who spoke first, addressing the senior ranger. "Is he...?"

Halt shook his head. "No, but he might as well be."

Arald grimaced and bowed his head for a moment. "We'd best hurry then, if we're to get the lad to a healer in time."

The boy chose that moment to give a weak, pleading cry, arching his back and clawing desperately at Gilan's shirt before his voice broke and he could do nothing more than whimper pathetically and clench his fists repeatedly, limp but for that small movement. Gilan hushed him and carefully adjusted his position to make the boy more comfortable.

Sir Rodney offered Halt a hand, helping him stand up and looking sadly at him. Halt said nothing, only sighed despondently and shook his head, wishing that it could have been someone else that the lad had given his life for. Halt already knew the boy would die, of course, it was only logical considering what had happened to the lad, being ripped practically to shreds by a kalkara like he'd been, and all to save Halt. It was rather depressing really.

He was cut off from his thoughts, however, when Gilan pressed the trembling boy into his hands, making him hold the lad so he, Gilan, could mount Blaze without hurting the boy. Halt grimaced and tried not to think about the lads' fate anymore, instead trying his best not to frighten or hurt him while the lad was in his grip. Gilan finally got situated and motioned for Halt to hand the boy up to him, but Halt came to a snap decision and shook his head, taking off his cloak and wrapping the boy in it before carefully placing the lad onto Abelard's back and holding him steady while he, Halt, mounted behind him.

They rode in silence on the journey back to castle Redmont, that silence only broken once or twice by the pained mutterings of the boy in front of Halt. The old ranger could feel the boy's head resting against his chest, could feel him gasping and wheezing as he tried to breathe. But what was worse; he could feel the boy's blood soaking through his tunic, more and more by the minute. Eventually the boy was able to work up the strength to speak, but when he did he didn't exactly have anything comforting to say.

"R-ranger..." the lad breathed, his voice more a sigh than anything else.

Halt leaned a bit closer so he could hear better, already dreading what the boy was about to say. "Yes, lad?"

The reply was long in coming; the boy could hardly draw breath to say anything else for several minutes. "I...I'm dying, aren't I?" he whispered.

Halt gritted his teeth, unsure of what to say, but nodded after another moment. "Aye, lad, probably so..." he didn't want to lie, not after everything that had happened; the boy deserved some truth, now that he was so close to death's door, after all.

The boy whimpered softly, trying to look up and meet Halt's eyes. "Is...is that why everything's so dark?" he questioned quietly, not waiting for an answer before speaking again. "I...I shouldn't be but...I-I'm frightened..." he murmured.

Halt closed his eyes for a moment. "Don't be afraid, lad; death isn't your enemy."

The boy cringed and tried to get a little closer to Halt, shivering even worse than he had been. "It..it's so c-cold...can't feel an...anything..."

Halt could tell, after a few seconds, that the lad was crying. He normally wouldn't have troubled himself with it, but suddenly he couldn't stand the thought of letting the boy die so distraught. "If I tell you a story will you not be afraid?" he asked softly.

The boy sighed and a faint shudder racked his thin frame, making him feel chilled to the very core for several moments. "P-please..."

Halt nodded and thought about it, eventually deciding that it wouldn't hurt to tell the lad something that could very well have been real, something that he should have known right from the off; something that was coming to an end as they spoke. "What if," he asked, "I tell you what you could have been?"

The boy nodded weakly, going almost entirely limp in the ranger's arms. Halt wanted to cry as he began his story in a slow, tired sort of voice. It was ahrd to speak with such a weight settled within him, the weight that came from one thing and one thing only; the absolute certainty of but a single assurance:

Will was dying.

* * *

And that was it you see? I finish the first chapter, hope you likes it see? Please tell me of it see what you thought and are thinking of it as written needs help and things? I post a second chapter update later, do not know of when I can does another chapter on here. Ehhhh...busy lately see? School and books, books with school, and another thing won't say which is very good, you know? Yay my first story that you see is I like a lot, hope you agree won't send me fire because it burns a lot like bad hurt, don't mind but not happy to either so...I rambles now...will stop let you say "I leave a remark of this for May" or "I don't say anything" or whatever one you choose to be as. I like you all I think excepting for hiders who are mean in their remark with no cause to it! Good bye for now you all! :) (I does a face of icons again! It's a happy one so you know I am happy when I send this YAY!)

I add another few sentence so make more sense! On purpose left out say Will's name until last sentence so more something is better! Hee hee, forgot to say first time so got comment makes better in last happier now for did! :)


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